expectations - the trial and error procedure of personal hurt and learning

what happens when we realize that people we love are emotionally unavailable?
when, suddenly, we manage to see that our life's photo had a sepia-style, nice, nostalgic, ideal and old look, and then one day (one day at last, after a long long period of internal and silent personal changing) we finally see the actual colors, the shades of truth and we decide we don't like it anymore?
This new reality is hard, I know you know. It's as if an invisible hand comes and smashes your heart so hard, that you feel you cannot breath anymore. As if you start walking on a very slow motion, while the rest of the world speeds up so fast, that you are left behind. As if you become just a mere observer of your life, of your story, of your past.

But that's not all u have.

That's not at all all u've got.

Deep inside you already know the truth. You knew it for a while (since your birth). You were destined to live, and to create. That makes you a creature. A perfect, wonderful, human creature. And a creator. But have you ever seen a creator enslaved in situations, in ''musts", in rigid social frames (family is also a social frame) that don't let him proceed to his creative work?
No, by all means, no. A creator is by definition free. Otherwise he cannot fulfill his role of creativity. And expectations are by definition the ropes that tie us so tightly with those social frames that enslave our souls. If I expect things from others (family, friends, partners, colleagues, society) it is as if I'm trying to control and manipulate their behavioral outcome, that is their creativity. And if I give all my energy to this expectation procedure, I actually spend all my precious energy not to create the fabulous works I can give as a unique individual, here on this planet, but to observe other people's lives passing by in front of my eyes. And from creator, I become a spectator. I don't like that.
So I take back my smashed heart, I cure it patiently and passionately, and turn around my expectations so as to point towards me. And then I remind my self how much I love my self, how unique and wonderful a human self is (by definition, by birth, by nature) and I get inspired and start creating.

The pain that the deceitful expectations provide won't go away so easily, so perfectly, so rapidly. it'll take time, mostly because, I'll need to stop producing any new expectations for the others. Actually, the way I see it, expectations are ways to through away our responsibilities to others and then be ready to accuse when they don't fulfill the task we assigned without even asking them. And that's giving away our one personal energy.
Such a waste...

A new year has arrived. I don't know why, by my "expectation" for this new year makes me feel relieved, hopeful, well, free and especially happy. Because this new year, I expect myself to expect things only from myself and enjoy it!!!